its been so trying
Dear Diary,
sometimes i think its all a test from God.
these few days have just been so extremely trying and taxing i feel like giving up. sometimes i just feel that there is no purpose in doing anything. i dont even feel like going to skl. not that skl is bad. ppl are nice. but i dont find any motivation at all in going. temptations have just been so great. the flesh is getting its way thru.. and i NEED to crucify it.. i feel so tired of life. of all the commotion at home. falling out with mom over the slightest issues and being treated like a kid is the last thing any teen would wish for.
i really wanna spend more time with God. to be more like Him. to spend time in His presence, love, warmth and comfort. these few days i just haven been doing proper qts. havent been praying much, nor worshipping, nor spending time dwelling in His presence. i miss that. and this is one main reason i feel that im getting frustrated over small little things. like how i nearly blew my top stupidly(or maybe i did). and i really missed the reassurance of knowing that God loves me and will be there for me no matter what. maybe this insecurity is a result of drifting apart from Him..
and ytd has just been one of my worst so far. i feel so down. and im so shocked bcos i realized i didnt know who to go to. who to pour out my troubles to. and so i chose to pour them out to God. i did. but i didnt feel reassured of the love, support and comfort like i used to. things just arent the way i (or anyone) will want it to be.
Father.. i really need You.. place in me this first love and passion that i used to have for You. this reassurance of your support, care, comfort and love. i cast my worries to you. take them. and change me. dont let that stupid devil steal the joy and love i have in my life. show me who i can turn to when im down. expand my capacity to be patient. to forgive. to take things lightly. to love others. to alw put You first in my life. give me the strength that i need. make me an overcomer. all i need is You. thank You Lord.
drastic changes do happen over a few days. but ptl at least im no more disconnected from the world. my hp's back :)
(7:41:00 PM)
