its so mentally draining going down to AWWA every day for 9-10 hours, and being in an environment where the majority of people require special care and attention, and do not behave nor respond in a way that normal people do. after each day of hard work at AWWA, back to the world of 'normal beings', it came to realization that we really cant take for granted how blessed we are, not just being abled ourselves, but having people around us that are just as fortunate as us as well. can you imagine having a whole circle of friends with special needs. can you imagine being surrounded by people who cant live normal lives? can you imagine.. just take a moment and clear your thoughts. imagine your parents and siblings each having some incurable disease. one not able to walk, the other not able to comprehend a single thing etc.. even if you were the 'normal' one, life wouldnt be the same. so do not take the people around you, who are as blessed as you, for granted. its tough really, having to step in there each day and take care of these kids. i go through each day just by an inch close to slipping off a cliff.
i really need God's strength. outreach only starts at the end of every loong mentally exhausting day. but God reminded me - we cant be weary, we cant be weary, we caant be weary! if we all get tired, who's gonna bring those living in darkness into His marvelous light?! if we get tired and not spread God's word, then whats the point of us being down on this earth? we might as well have just been kept up in heaven singing hallelujah all day long.
fresh anointing, renewed spirit, heart of compassion. i'll trust in You.
i really thank God for a new-found, strong sense of
self-control which suddenly developed in me. i dont know how it came about, it just suddenly formed in me without me noticing. probably the fruit of self-control is developing! hurray. praise the Lord! i used to top the list for procrastinating. "tomorrow. ya, tomorrow, it'll be done" buttt.. we all know that
TOMORROW WILL NEVER COME! haha. it seems quite funny how we try to 'console' ourselves with the word tomorrow, cos it sounds like its gonna be done, while subconsciously living in self denial knowing that the next tomorrow will be a decade later! thank God reaaalllyyy!!! each time the thought of 'ok i'll do it later' comes, something in me just speaks really really strongly -
NO PROCRASTINATING! and then the next moment i know i'll be getting down to doing it already. YAAAYY!! THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!! whhhheeeee xD i dont know how did this fruit come about in me? i just wanna thank God!!
those whose minds have been telling them, "oh its ok, u've stil got tomorrow to reach out and call your friends", let me say something. before you know it, christmas would have long been gone, and by then dont regret for letting xmas pass without leading one lost soul to the light of Jesus Christ. will you then, be a letdown to God who brought Jesus to die for our sins?full steam ahead. x'mas is arriving soon, and I CAN DO IT. not by my strength, not by my ways, but by and thru the HOly Spirit in me. on the way home i was just muttering under my breath to God , " God, im very tired, having to go for cip then outreach". then He told me that when im weak, then i'll be strong. that's when the Holy Spirit in me will be even stronger, that's when i find that im even stronger thru Him. He will be my feet.
i realized that everyday im out of my house for 15 hours. plus the 5 + hours of sleep i get. that means ive spent only like less than 4 hours at home everday, and first time ever, i miss coming home early. it's all gonna be worthwhile! it willlll!!
Father God, please renew my strength. i pray for fresh anointing upon my life every single day to minister to those still living in darkness. let them see that light of Jesus. let them know the truth of Your Word. i pray for the passion for evangelism to burn ever so strongly, let it prevail over the weariness of my flesh. i pray for more compassion towards the lost. the deepest compassion, that heaviest burden ive ever felt for the lost, which i used to. thank You Jesus.some things, i would rather have not known.
(12:19:00 AM)
